Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
