Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Randomize
