At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
