Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Randomize
