Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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