Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
