so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
