Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize