Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
