I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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