I'm laying in your front yard are you home
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
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