Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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