I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
