I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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