just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
foreskin is a definite game changer
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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