I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
Be still, my beating vagina.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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