Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
