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Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize