We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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