i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
