You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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