all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
