i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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