I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
