My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
