I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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