she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
Randomize
