Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I FOUND THE LEGS
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
