If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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