I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
