WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
