Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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