No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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