i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
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