it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize