Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize