My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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