she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
