Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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