lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Randomize
