so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
