I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
My vagina just recognized that song.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
