Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Randomize
