Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
