i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
