I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
