he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
false alarm. still invincible.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize