nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
