Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
