im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
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