so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Randomize
