I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
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