I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize