Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
