Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
