i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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