U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
