I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
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