so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
