When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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