She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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