It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
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