I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
