I'm sorry my penis didn't work
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My vagina is very pro this idea
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize