Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
