This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
