I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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